I discovered something about myself today.
After putting in the work to learn to love myself, I am proud of who I am. My words say, “I like who I am, my vibe will bring my tribe.” That being said, I realized how easy it is to fall into old patterns of wanting the approval and validation from others.
As I was preparing for a Coaching session with a brand new client, I thought about how I could best help them. This client is more stoic, skeptical, and guarded than most clients that come for Coaching, and I thought I would need to tone my energy back to meet theirs.
When I began coaching, I asked questions, listened, and as we progressed, my regular high energy showed up. It is just who I am. And guess what? In spite of my previous thoughts, it was effective and it was received well. Really well.
Do you ever find yourself adjusting who you really are to match the people in front of you?
As humans, it’s a natural and instinctive behavior to want to be accepted. We mirror others because we think it’s expected. But sometimes, we should really just be ourselves and let the chips fall where they may.
I find that many times we are like the metal Mercury. It is the only Liquid Metal: Mercury has the ability to uniformly expand and contract over its entire liquid range, in response to changes in pressure and temperature. It flows and adjusts to its surroundings. And, it is toxic.
While being adaptable can be a positive trait, we must maintain the makeup – or core – of who we are.
I realized that I never have to take away from myself to meet someone else at their place. They will join me or distance themselves. Either way, I must stay true to myself.
Here are some tips to help avoid the habits we create and the doubt we may have about being the authentic souls that we are.
- I am who I am– Accepting ourselves is the most empowering practice we can have. When you are aligned with who you are, the self-confidence follows, and the behavior follows that self-image. It lessens the need to seek approval and validation from others.
- I check all the boxes– We can get distracted in this life by looking at others and taking inventory on traits and characteristics they possess. It’s important to list the qualities you have.
What do you show the world? Are you kind? Are you a good friend? Do you communicate well? Do you spread love and compassion? Focus on the valuable attributes you possess. Affirm the challenges you’ve met and goals you’ve achieved. - Don’t complain and Don’t Explain– This is a statement I voice often. If you are complaining about something, you are in need of either accepting or changing the situation. If you are explaining your words and actions to others, it’s a little voice telling you there is insecurity lurking in the shadows of your subconscious.
When you feel the need to be heard or understood, that’s natural, but trying to convince others to believe or accept you is not healthy for your self-assurance. It says, “I’m not sure about who I am and I am relying on you to validate me. ”
I’m reminded of a song by Sammy Davis Jr titled, “I Gotta Be Me.” We should all follow Sammy’s words, “Whether I’m right or whether I’m wrong, whether I find a place in this world or never belong, I gotta be me, I gotta be me, what else can I be but what I am.”
There is no one like you; stay true to yourself, embrace your uniqueness, and don’t change for anyone else but you.
Love and Blessings,
Maureen