I have an addiction.
Yes, you read that correctly. When the world hears addiction, thoughts automatically turn to abuse of something: alcohol, drugs, food, etc.
What we don’t realize is that we have addictions to the “feelings” we have when experiencing certain actions.
Do you know people who love drama? Being a victim? Arguing, gaslighting, or even intentionally hurting people’s feelings? All of these things are actual addictions. These people in your life may feel inadequate, unimportant, or jealous of others. Behaving this way they makes them feel better about themselves (at least temporarily).
I am addicted to making people feel good and making them smile. If I’m being honest, it makes ME feel good. I love when someone reacts to something I’ve said with amazement or validation. Yes, we all need validation on a human level.
Too often we blame our circumstances on our parents, our boss, our spouse, children etc.: “If they wouldn’t have done/said that…”
Remember that you have complete control over your thoughts, actions , reactions, emotions, and what you want to engage in. Changing how we are programmed and what we’ve always done is not easy, but WE must change because we cannot change those around us.
I recently had a conversation with my father. He’s a great man, but let’s just say growing up I was programmed to see “the gray cloud in a sunny sky” or in other words, I was taught to be cautious, not to take risks, and listed with all of the bad things that could happen. Although it was done out of love, the criticism and my quest for validation from him was frustrating.
In this conversation, I was talking excitedly about my new life coaching Journey. As I’m explaining the progress, my dad states “ok, I’m gonna be critical here,” I responded, “you don’t have to be” and guess what…. he stopped and said, “ok, I really wish you the best on this.”
That was awesome! He was aware and able to change a dynamic we’ve always had between us, that I just expect and know it’s just dad being dad out of his perspective of concern and love.
People will change when they see a change in you. Let’s get addicted to love, compassion, and kindness!
Blessings and Love,