Recently, I’ve been noticing that I am hanging on to things that are weighing me down. During COVID, like a lot of us, I gained a little weight.
I kept looking in my closet saying to myself, “I really need to get rid of clothes that don’t fit.” The other little voice said, “Hang on to them, you’ll lose the weight and fit into them.”
Do you experience these types of conflicts?
I decided to clean out the closet and if I do lose the weight, I can reward myself with a new wardrobe.
Like the closet, why are we so hesitant to let go of what isn’t serving us? The same can be said for emotional baggage and past pain. It’s like carrying a backpack full of rocks around with us each day.
I was coaching a client for quite some time and I realized they needed more intense therapy. It didn’t feel bad as I realize we are all at different levels of readiness. I felt Life Coaching wasn’t a good fit for them anymore and I want my clients to succeed whether it’s with me or another way.
I had been determined, as I am with all clients, not to give up and kept trying to new methods. I finally just decided I had to let them go for their own growth and healing, but especially for mine. Once I let this client go, I was inundated with new requests and appointments.
Just like the examples above, when we hold space for negative emotion and past cyclic behavior, we don’t have room for the new changes we want. It’s not easy by any means, but it takes one time to do this and see how effective it can be.
I find that this is particularly difficult when it comes to relationships- especially with family. The misconception that your “people” know you best and should understand you is common. The expectations we put on those closest to us can hinder our objective view of how we are treated and what we allow.
I, personally, have recognized my desire to get validation from others, yet I feel that I am confident and love myself, so why do I need this? I receive love and validation from my children, husband, friends, and even strangers who interact with blogs and social media.
As I said, it takes an effort to dive deep into yourself and figure out what YOU are doing. Once you recognize the baggage you are carrying, working to do release work is helpful to lighten the load. Here are some ways to work on releasing:
- Hold a Release Party
Choose an item that is connected to the person or emotion you’d like to release. Write a letter to the person who has caused pain that you hold onto. Gather some friends around a firepit, and say, “today I release any negative feelings and thoughts about (name of person) (name of trauma) and I will have gratitude for the lesson it provided”
- Meditation and Intention Setting
Every morning or every evening, meditate with a sound healing for release. You can type “meditation for healing” and there will be a plethora of options to choose from.
- Set Boundaries
This will assist with the healing you are practicing. By not surrounding ourselves with the same thing, we initiate a new normal. For instance, if it’s a person you need to let go, don’t call them as often, don’t seek their opinion or advice.
When it comes to family, you can distance by setting a date to call and check in, but refrain from focusing on whether they nurture the relationship or not. You will find you are less disappointed when you no longer expect them to behave a certain way.
This is really the catalyst that will empower you. I give my clients with struggles in this area a forgiveness exercise to practice. In the exercise, write down the who and what which is requiring forgiveness.
Saying this mantra, “I fully and freely forgive you. I release you and any (name feeling, ie Anger, Sadness) I have related to you. I am healed and I am now free”. Don’t forget to include yourself in this!
Doing the work of releasing deep-set programming inserted by past experiences may be the hardest self-awareness work you will do, but it will also be the most rewarding! Removing the obstacles of emotional baggage frees the path to change and happiness that we desire.
Love and Blessings,
Life coach Maureen