Does Your Partner Feel More Like a Roommate?

By Maureen ScanlonLife Coaching
relationship coach
In my Relationship Coaching, I’ve found couples  in the beginning stages trying to figure out if they should move forward, or married couples ready to throw in the towel. There is usually one common problem: neither are putting the relationship first. 
 
I am twice divorced, now happily married to the man of my dreams, and I can say this was also an issue for my previous relationships. Life got busy and the last thing I could think of was connecting with my spouse at the time… hence, the divorces.
 
It’s not that I didn’t want my relationships to work, it’s just I had other things to worry about. That is until my biggest worry was overcoming the financial and emotional struggle of divorce. 
 
We tend to take relationships for granted, assuming the person will be there no matter what. Unfortunately, when needs go unmet, resentments build, and finally it’s too exhausting to stay in it. Over time we just stop nurturing the bond and effort that we gave in the beginning. Just like a garden, if you don’t tend to it, it will not survive. 
 
In my book, “My Dog Is My Relationship Coach”, Chapter 1 is titled, “Why are we together.” It presents questions that deep dive into assessing why you are with your partner; is it superficial, convenience, or soul connected?
 
Here are some ways to maintain your connection and nurture your relationship on a regular basis so each person feels heard, respected, and loved. 
 

Details Matter

Ask your partner about their dreams, fears, likes, and dislikes. Childhood favorites and food preferences. It shows your partner you care about what they care about.  

Speak It

Validating your partner and expressing your appreciation for them goes along way! Notice the small things, thank them for a daily chore they did. Just acknowledging your partner’s strengths will make them feel noticed and special. 

Be Blessed (Not Stressed)

When things get stressful, turn toward one another for support. Don’t deal with it alone, you are not single. Building trust during the hard times bonds you during the good times. 

Decisions, Decisions

Share in life’s decisions. Be transparent about choices that affect both of you. Ask your partner for advice and show respect of their opinions (even if they don’t match yours) 

Let’s Meet

I encourage all my couple clients to sit down at the end of day and check-in with something called “couch time.” Ask, how they are feeling? What was good about their day? What was frustrating? How are they feeling physically (have empathy). Make eye contact, remove distractions, hold hands, or rub their shoulders. This validates that you are a “safe space”, and honesty is appreciated and welcomed. 

Plan Time Together

This is crucial to maintaining your strongest union. Create rituals for the two of you such as coffee each morning or working out together. Schedule intimacy (yes, I said it). Plan weekly date nights even if it’s just ordering in and sitting on the couch relaxing. When it becomes a routine, you won’t forget to make time for it. 

When you view your relationship as a priority, keep these ideas as a reminder to try one each day. Just like a car needs maintenance, gas, and repairs, a relationship doesn’t run itself either. 
 
Remember that you are a team, and you have the same “end goal” which is to have a healthy, happy life with a fulfilling and uplifting partner.

Are you ready to take your relationship to the next level? Get in touch today to get started with a free 15 minute clarity call!

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