You may not think that just noticing something could be successful, or that it doesn’t feel productive. However, this is a VITAL and KEY step to changing anything in our lives!
When I receive a phone call from a new client for coaching, I always say, “You already achieved your first goal! You called because you recognized something in your life was not working!”
I have several single friends who are in the dating scene. When they tell me about a date they experienced and some traits and behaviors they disliked, I tell them that it’s great because they are noticing what it is they don’t want. It brings them closer to getting and attracting what you truly want in a partner.
Each client I coach gets a recap/follow-up of goals for the week. When they return to their next session, we review what goals have been worked on. Many times, I hear the guilt, shame, and judgement of themselves when they haven’t achieved or worked on these goals. It’s ok, really it is! It’s still a step forward when you RECOGNIZE where the change needed to occur, even if you haven’t started or accomplished it yet.
I remember when I started dating after a hiatus I had taken from some pretty dysfunctional relationships. To be more precise, I was the Narcissist Whisperer (or so I believed). When I would meet men online, I would ensure we had to have many conversations and I had to really get to know them before even giving out my phone number, let alone meeting in person.
I really didn’t trust my own judgement. I kept looking back at the failures I had and the disappointment I felt from past partners. When I would finally meet someone face-to-face, I was really determined to “see” them for who they truly are.
If I encountered any red flags or triggers, I was so proud of myself. I’d call my friends and say, “It was great, he was narcissistic!” That sounds crazy right? I was exhilarated at the fact that I recognized something I had always dismissed or excused. This was progress for me and helped me gain confidence that I would know what to look for going forward.
When we start to grow, expand, become more self aware, self actualized, we will attract those at our level (or energy level, vibration, Law of Attraction, our tribe, etc). When you encounter those that are not where you are, you will notice it. Something will sound bells or give you a gut feeling that it doesn’t serve you, sit well, or resonate.
Here’s a great example: Make a list of friends, family, and/or exes who’ve been a part of your life experience. Now, make an X next to the ones that are still in your life today. Make an O next to those who are not.
As you look at the “O” list, recount the reasons these people are no longer in your life (not counting transition or death). You will discern that the reasons those are not in your life any longer is because something was done or said that didn’t feel good to you anymore. To the point, you couldn’t continue the exchange with this person because the energy and emotional level were no longer a match. It just didn’t feel fun, exciting, uplifting, and encouraging to be with them or around them. And probably, it was feeling the other end of the spectrum of emotions- stress, sad, angry, hurt, disappointed, or resigned.
Have grace and mercy on yourself! You made good choices to distance yourself from negativity and what no longer served you! That is growth, that is seeing your worth, that is setting boundaries, that is knowing you wanted more!
In this world of social media, the pressure to measure our success and happiness against others can be overwhelming. YOU are exactly where you should be in YOUR race. If you are in the recognition phase, congratulations. That is the biggest first step to realizing and appreciating who you really are, what purpose and passion you have, and the greatness that is in you and fighting each day to get out into the world…
The next step is the work…. stay tuned for more!
Love and Blessings, Maureen